


Oodles of Noodles with 'Han and Zan

by Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth



Category: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Genre: Cooking, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth/pseuds/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth
Summary: A certain meal, made by a certain alchemist, isn't quite up to par with a certain swordsman.Something must be done about it.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Oodles of Noodles with 'Han and Zan

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't point out how utterly cheesy the title is

Zangetsu couldn't believe the very sight that lay on the table before him.

He wasn't expecting _anything_ , let alone something from his native homeland, in this one room shack on the way to the castle. And yet, the sight remained as prominent as ever, no matter how much he rubbed his good eye or how many times he pinched himself. 

Looking about to see if anyone was nearby (there wasn't, of course), Zangetsu took a few steps forward to approach the steaming bowl of ramen sitting on the little table. Next to it lay a bowl of sukiyaki, and next to _that_ was a manju bun sitting on its own on a small plate. In the very center, an elaborate gold chalice held a sweet smelling liquid. 

Needless to say, all of it made his mouth water. 

Reaching out with his prosthetic arm, Zangetsu got a firm hold on the ramen bowl. Going by the smell, it was simply plain old salt broth. Not that he really minded; if anything, he preferred it that way. 

Once he made sure that he wasn't going to drop it, Zangetsu reached into the front of his coat, and pulled out a pair of wooden chopsticks (one never knows when they might come in handy). He then made sure to hold them correctly, and proceeded to dig in after taking a seat at the table. 

As he did, though, something didn't seem quite right with the ramen. Zangetsu tried to pass it off as not having this food for a rather long time. That theory wasn't so plausible after tasting the sukiyaki and manju, though. 

Zangetsu was about to reach for the chalice to taste the wine, before he was interrupted by a voice from behind him. 

...

"Oh dear..." Johannes pushed his glasses back up into place as he looked at Zangetsu, who was helping himself to the meal he'd put together. He briefly stopped to set down the cookbook he'd been rifling through, before going over to stand at the other side of the table. 

"That was going to be for Miriam when she got back," he told Zangetsu, as he explained his despondence and frustration. 

Zangetsu didn't say anything at first. He just stood to his feet and picked up the bowl of leftover salt broth (he still ate everything, despite none of it being the right quality. No sense in being wasteful, after all). He then put it to his lips and drank what was left, not breaking eye contact with Johannes the whole time. 

"Salty," he said in his usual deep rumbly voice. Not something Johannes expected to hear from him. 

"Pardon me?" He inquired, pushing his glasses back up again. To answer him, Zangetsu tapped the bowl with his chopsticks. 

"The broth of the ramen is too salty," Zangetsu said, to clarify what he meant by that. "The ramen noodles themselves are overcooked, and have an unpleasant texture."

He went on, tapping each dish to explain the errors that he'd encountered with the corresponding foodstuff. According to him, Johannes had also neglected to add enough sugar to the sukiyaki, and the red bean paste filling in the manju wasn't smooth enough. By the time he finished, Johannes stood there, a bit stunned.

Johannes then cleared his throat and responded with little more than "I see". Part of it was because Miriam (and occasionally that old woman) ate just about everything without complaint. He'd never heard _any_ criticism until now, so he honestly wasn't sure how to react. 

"What would you recommend I do, then? You sound as though you would be an expert in this cuisine." Once those words were out of his mouth, Johannes wanted to smack himself. Of course Zangetsu would be an expert; he had come from the same country (or so he vaguely alluded to once in a while). 

Now sliding his chopsticks back into his coat, Zangetsu walked past Johannes into the main building of what remained of Arvantville. Johannes took that as cue to follow, and also learn a cooking lesson.

...

As the two men now stood in what Johannes had been using as a kitchen, Zangetsu stared disapprovingly at how the cookware and kitchen utensils mixed with the transmutation materials. 

"Well, cooking is a form of alchemy," Johannes tried to say. "It seemed to be all right to have everything occupy the same space." Zangetsu didn't seem to buy that explanation, though. Instead, he approached the nearest counter and pulled out various pots and pans. 

There was then at least a half hour or so of cooking and watching over shoulders. Johannes was admittedly impressed at how Zangetsu was able to keep an eye on boiling water as he slowly cooked slices of meat. When he added on a bowl of red beans and began grinding them with the fist of his prosthetic (hopefully he cleaned it), it only further added to his astonishment. 

"I never would have taken you to be so adept in the art of cooking," Johannes said as Zangetsu added in the Chinese noodles into the water. "But then again, my knowledge of you in any sort of capacity is close to nonexistent." 

Zangetsu didn't respond. He seemed quite focused on his multi tasking at hand. Figuring he wasn't going to get any sort of meaningful conversation out of him right now, Johannes sat and watched. He tried taking mental notes of everything that Zangetsu was doing. 

A while later, and Zangetsu was done. Johannes' eyes widened as he gazed upon the simple yet freshly cooked dishes, now being held on a tray Zangetsu was holding. He even readjusted his glasses to be certain. 

"I must say, that does look leagues better than what I had prepared earlier," he said as he looked up at Zangetsu. Although it was quick, Johannes was sure he saw the corner of Zangetsu's mouth twitch upwards. 

Zangetsu then turned to go back to the original building, Johannes close behind him. 

...

As quickly as he'd seemingly appeared, Zangetsu was gone again, off to continue his furtive search within the castle.

Johannes hadn't been left alone for long however; about a minute or two later, Miriam came dashing in herself to replenish her supplies and perform transmutations. Johannes said his usual hello to her, and let her consume what had been left for her to eat up. 

Hearing her praises of 'this is more delicious than usual, Johannes' and the like, Johannes couldn't help but grin and scratch the back of his head. He considered telling Miriam the truth about who the actual cook was, but ultimately decided against doing that. Let her be blissfully unaware for now.

Johannes also told himself to have a pen and paper handy next time Zangetsu showed up. That'd be a good idea too. 


End file.
